Like many kids now adjusting to summer, I’ve been rather off kilter for the past few days. I was so ingrained in my busy routine now that it is changed, changed so much for the better I might add, that I hardly know what to do with myself. I had dreamed of this moment all semester, the relaxed work schedule, no demanding people, no memories of the crazy past months, just lovely peace and quiet—yet, today, I feel tired and a little out of sorts. It feels as if my passions are too exhausted to light themselves aflame. What meant the world to me yesterday, seems silly and unimportant today. I feel somewhat befuddled. As this last semester is gone, it is starting to feel more like a dream, fading with time. I now regroup. What really do I want now?
It has struck me today, that my dreams, as much as I hope for them, will never be as beautiful in real life as they are in my head. My future husband, my future family, everything—it won’t be like I am transformed into a picturesque world of all my delights, all my precious hopes turning into golden moments of reality… no, it will be life just like it is today. This may sound rather depressing, but let me explain. In the future, I will wake up and feel tired like I feel today. Coffee grounds will leak into the pot and I will have to remake it. I will feel a twinge of loneliness and wonder if I am living my life to the fullest. Tires will always go flat. Bills will always need to be paid. Life will always be life, if we find our dreams or not. Of course, I imagine my happiness will be more settled, matured, and secure if I have a family to live for and make beautiful. That I am sure of. But even then, I will have days where I feel grouchy and un-angel like. I will have moments where I am lost in my silly world of emotional asphyxiation.
And do you know what that means? It doesn’t mean that I should be all gloomy and depressed today. It doesn’t mean I should just throw my hands up in the air and give up all the hopes and beautiful dreams inside of me… all it means is that today, I am being tempted with feeling discontented and discouraged. Rallying within me the battle worn protectors of my soul, I need to encourage them that though today it seems hard to have the energy of hope and the illuminating sparks of optimism, I will eventually climb out of this mood and the day won’t be so shaded in sullenness. Because hope revitalizes the soul, joy restores the spring within the step. And the whole point of everything is that if we can’t figure out how to be content today we won’t be content tomorrow even if all our dreams come true. I am beginning see this. If we can figure out how to be perfectly happy with life “as is” and to be completely satisfied in God alone— as unwritten, unknown, and lonely as it sometimes feels when we are young like this— then can you imagine how much richer and deeper our happiness will be when life settles and our dreams begin to unfold? This can be a challenging lesson, but within the achievement of it we will find the key to true happiness. Find happiness today! There is such beauty waiting to be discovered.
Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. 1 Timothy 6:6-8
Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content. Philippians 4:11
"If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won't be honest with greater responsibilities. Luke 16:10
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