Black and White Convictions In a Gray World

Do you ever get the feeling that you are standing on quick sand? That you are desperate for solid, principled ground, yet it feels everywhere you step you just sink further into soft convictions and passive attitudes. Or perhaps, you hungrily thirst for cold water and everyone gives you a drink of lukewarm liquid. Maybe you feel more like the only light bulb that is shinning in a dark world… frustrated? Discouraged? Weary?

I realized today in my typical chorus singing epiphany style that I did not have many examples of strong, sound, conservative Christians in my environment. I realized today, as Noel was passionately asserting the very real presence of Hell, that in my little world I usually come across two kinds of Christians: The very conservative Christians who, professing an unpracticed, dutiful, fearing doctrine of a wrathful, and punishing God, come across as hypocrites, unloving, and rather faithless. And the second kind of Christians grasp on to the faithful, loving side of God, but have seemed to entirely miss chunks of scripture which are laid out to be immovable rules and regulations of Christ-like Christian living.

Why must so many Christian’s be hypocritical? I don’t get ridiculously angry over much, but I do have a deep sense of justice and intolerance for accepting things which common sense and God tell us is wrong. Lately, I have become rather disgusted with the people of the south. I was talking to a good friend who is African and he told me of how people will avoid his line in the grocery store, even when it is empty, and go to a longer line with a white cashier. I really couldn’t believe people would be so ignorant and brainless, especially when presented with a rare, Wal-Mart short line, until I visited this friend and actually witnessed it. All the lines around him were long, except his. Oh goodness! How it made me so ridiculously angry. How vile we behave as humans! How truly despicable we “Christians” behave. I have witnessed countless Christians who treat people the same way as the people did to my friend. What sort of message are we sharing if we treat people different because their skin, or ethnicity, or social class, or background is different than ours? What if a person was teetering on the fence, deciding if they were going to give their lives to Christ, and they were shown this prejudice, this racist attitude by fellow Christians? What if they give up Christ because of it? Do you not think that the Christian’s responsible will have to answer to this on the Day of Judgment? I shudder to think…

I don’t understand how people can keep quiet. I don’t understand how people can be without godly zeal, passion, and justice. I don’t understand how people cannot care enough to care. I don’t understand how people can sit in church and not sing praises to God; I don’t understand how people can profess generosity, yet give so little of their time to God; I don’t understand how big brothers and fathers can let their precious little sisters or daughters indulge in immodesty—wearing shorts that are too short, necklines that are too low, and shirts that are too tight. They are men, they know how hard it is to struggle against impure thoughts—shame on all of you!!

It seems in today’s world if you stand up for anything other than tolerance, unquestioning love, and acceptance of everything, you are labeled as hypocritical and judgmental. And yet we are called to use godly judgement. People will always be charged, ready for a debate. And in such arguments neither side will listen and simply becomes further entrenched in their original view. This is so discouraging to me. I don’t consider myself wiser or better than anyone. If anything I consider myself one of the lesser Christians, a silly girl who seems to constantly fall to doubts and worries of this life. I just fail to understand why people reject what seems to my simple mind as common sense, plainly written out in the scriptures… why do people no longer fight? Why do people no longer take a stand against sin? They preach a doctrine of love…but if you really love a person and care about the residency of their eternal soul wouldn’t you do everything in your power to teach them? Lovingly and firmly, instruct them? Where are all of God’s soldiers? What has happened to Christianity?

Fog of Confusion

Something has changed inside of me recently. I am not the girl I was when I began this new chapter of my post graduate life. There was so much thick, smoggy doubt clouding my eyes with black fears and drowning confusions. But not anymore. I felt the beginnings of such a change come upon me time to time before…but it wasn’t until these past months of my life did I snap forward through the air like a rubber band and completely leave behind parts of the Jennie I have spent 25 years with.

The last boy I cared about, let’s call him Harold (though I'm sure he doesn't read my blog anymore he shall be called Harold, nonetheless.) Harold helped open the door in my brain. In mostly all respects, he was not at all my “typical choice” in a young man. He was mild and sweet when I longed for aggressive and challenging. He was accepting and contented when I wanted opinionated and progressive. He was quiet when I wanted commotion. He was slow when I wanted fast. He was simple when I wanted complicated. But that was what made this entire experience with Harold so interesting—he was totally the opposite of what I thought I wanted…and now I realize how much I want the sorts of things I never dreamed I would want.

Harold sparked seeds of questions. Those questions turned into deep thoughts. And those deep thoughts turned into revelation. What really mattered in a relationship? It is honor, truth, and purity of heart; it is faithfulness, love, peace, and joy; it is quiet souls, passionate hearts, and submissive and hard-working hands—I could go on and on! It is these which make the foundation of a match truly nestled in God’s heart. Harold had a very specific purpose in my life, I believe. He was a sort of gateway into a new mindset; an opening up of a new day within my life.

Suddenly, I feel insurmountable joy because for the first time in my entire life I know exactly what I wanted in a man! This beautiful intimacy with God is now my first and prior desire above all else. If there is a man who does not naturally flow into, nourish, and encourage this intimacy then he is not worth a moment’s thought. Because I would dare nothing to enter into my life that would take a teaspoon of this devotion away. And with that conviction, I am serenely satisfied.

The fog of confusion cleared away with the rising of the sun. All the plaguing questions of who I should marry, whether I should date, what to look for in a man—all vanished! Because God is going to lead me where I ought to go. Time no longer matters because it is in God’s perfect hands. I wish I might bottle up this wisdom and understanding I have found and give it away to all my dear friends. But, alas, you must learn it on your own and only through the grace of God will you receive it.

Sometimes my heart still aches over Harold. Whatever he is inside regardless, to me he represented a beautiful dream I never imagined I deserved. It seemed so cruel and so wrong to be taunted with such a happy dream only to have it ripped away. But, I suppose, the farther away from that situation I traverse the clearer it too shall become. What if Harold was simply a test from God? God, asking me, "Jennie, how much do you love me?" Would I be willing to give up my beautiful dream for Him? Was I willing to die to myself, so I might live for Christ? If I never felt the love and adoration of an earthly man, never had the joy of his sweet words, would I still wholeheartedly give my life to God? Yes! Yes! I would! The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I think I was amazingly blessed to know Harold. He gave me the chance to be saved by my dear, loving Savior, and  many life changing lessons God, through him, taught me.


I almost want to dedicate a book to him or erect some kind of a pillar in his honor.

I never realized life could be so happy. I tried to grasp onto what I thought was happiness with Harold, but God took me away and showed me what it felt like to grasp onto happiness with Him. And even when surrounded by pain, the unknown, and struggles, it is possible to feel such incredible, freeing joy! I never would have believed so much of the old, doubting, faithless, sad Jennie could be conquered. So much of the confusion has cleared away, because, quite simply, I know where I am going now!

What a blessed Father we have!

Thoughts On Being Single

"I was quite shocked!"

It happened upon a rather distracted moment within my mind, when a sudden beastly thought of utter horridity hit me. As beastly thoughts often do hit you when you least expect them to, I was quite shocked by the flagrant audacity of such a thought that I cried in all my vexation: "Why! Beastly thought, how dare you enter my brain! Be gone, I say!"

But it was a nasty, slimy, little thought, quite stubborn and quite unyielding. It slinked and slithered around the more poorly patrolled borders of my head and eventually, quite unnoticed by my defenses, wormed its way inside.It then whispered to me:

"What if there are no gentlemen left in this world?"

Goodness! I couldn't get the worry out of my head. I mean... what if it were true? What if the moral quintessence of our society has deteriorated so greatly that there are no such things as decent men anymore? What if they are all naughty or perverted or unfaithful or unemotional or shallow or players or other horrid things... I became suddenly depressed thinking on such things. I thought about all the boys I have liked in the past, how dismally it had ended, either for me or for them. What if it were true? What if I had outlived the Era of the Gentleman? But then, thankfully, God drew me out of my silly thoughts and I reminded myself that I was a rather dramatic, overemotional lady.
 

Even the past boys that I have liked have showed a trait or two of characteristics which I would prize in a husband. One boy I use to like taught me how to share deep, intellectual conversations and witty banter. Another boy I use to like taught me how to love myself and to be brave enough to stand up for who I am. One showed me all the things I did not like about myself, yet challenged me to grow. One taught me how to act silly and stupid and how to have fun. Another one still, taught me the power of optimism, and the strength of joy and silliness. But each boy on their own would never have fit me quite right. Yet, God has brought into my path a myriad of boys who have helped, in an odd, weird way, to give me to hope again in the race of man. And one day if I could find a boy who had all of these traits that I loved, then that would be a man to whom I'd actually want to give my heart away!

Right now, I feel incredibly blessed to be single. And really, I am not single at all! I belong to God and there is no boyfriend, husband, or man on earth who could fill up my heart as fully and completely as he does. Personally, as crazy and rebelliously against our dating obsessed society as this sounds, I have no desire to date right now. I have no desire to give away anymore of my precious time to these "almost" boys. And I would hate to be an "almost" girl to any one of them! Right now, I feel like God is filling up all the emptiness in my heart and teaching me to treasure where I am at this moment in time. And to be completely truthful, I'd rather be single my entire life than to  give up this joy and treasure of God's presence in my heart. 

I know there are nice boys out there. I know, somewhere and if it is in the Lord's plan, a good hearted gentleman waits for me. And ladies, you must remember, just because they are getting harder to find, doesn't mean they don't exist. Trust your match making to the Lord. And believe in the good things to come! And above all, view being single as a blessing and an opportunity to fully focus on and serve our loving Father!

<3

The Wrong Prince, at the Wrong Time, Doesn’t Make a Right Fairytale.

Why do we ache so longingly and so impatiently after what we shouldn’t? It’s like lying in bed, weeping away the dismal hours of despair because you didn’t get a chance to stub your toe on the living room couch. Or, it is like selling all the treasures that you own so you can buy a chewed up piece of gum that has been stuck under a chair for three years. Ridiculous, no?

This paradoxical phenomenon happens, for example, when you like a person you know is wrong for you…or eat a box of cookies when you are dieting…or put yourself in the way of temptation, thinking that you won’t be tempted…or fill your schedule up beyond the limits of any mere mortal, (all these which I am guilty of!) Why do we act so contrary to good sense? Maybe I am the only one. I stay up late when I know I have to get up early. I don’t read my Bible when I know it will make me feel better. I like boys who usually need rescuing, which for the typical DID (Damsel In Distress) doesn’t make for a pretty story when you have to go drag the silly, confused knight from the clutches of a dragon. It almost makes me want to leave him for the dragon to rough up so he might grow and learn a thing or two about life.

I guess sometimes even we Princesses need to be roughed up by a dragon or two so we understand the importance of good sense and patience. Metaphorically speaking, the wrong prince at the wrong time won’t magically transform into a beautiful story. Also, the right prince at the wrong time will not make a right story!  If we go chasing around all these ill-timed dreams it will eventually bode ill for our life journey. Some days, (okay most days) I get very impatient. All I want in this life is to be a mother, a wife, a creator of beautiful things—why can’t I have this now? How long must I wait? Why is God taking so long? Can I help nudge him along?

If I am thinking things like this, I am obviously not letting the peace and trust of God dwell within my heart. And after all, why would we ever expect our fair and loving King to give us the right gifts, at the wrong time? I must remind you, and me, that he does everything in his perfect time. Just as you wouldn’t give a baby the reins to a horse, our King wouldn’t give us a blessing we weren’t ready for!

I don’t know why we chase after things that are bad for us… I can only chalk it all up to us just being dumb, little humans. If you can explain it better or more eloquently to me, please do! But for now, take comfort in knowing that God has good and perfect things in store for you. It isn’t up to us to try and figure them out or even try to push them toward fruition… In the end, you wouldn’t have wanted to end up with the wrong prince, right? Of course not!! You would have wanted God to keep you safe until you were mature and wise enough to accept the blessing of the right gift at the right time.

<3

The Dark Side of Facebook

Can you imagine living back in the days where people communicated with each other by letter writing? Can you imagine instead of whipping out your phone and in a blinding thumb flurry sending a message to your bff that you want to go to the mall, having to sit down at a desk, pull out a sheet of parchment and manually pen your thoughts? And to vex the modern soul further, can you imagine having to wait days, or even weeks for a reply? The whole idea is quite foreign to many of us, I am sure.  

While I for one am personally glad that texting, telephones, and email does exist (especially when you loose your sibling in Wal-Mart) I have to admit, I am still dubious about the whole Facebook idea. I don’t really think it is a good idea. “But Jennie!” you say, “you have a Facebook! Aren’t you being a little hypocritical?” No, I don’t think so. I think Facebook is okay if it is used moderately, and used in a Christian manner. I myself am far from perfect, but it just seems to me that young people tend to forget that so many people can view what they do, what they say, and what pictures or videos they post. I know I have lost a great deal of respect for some young ladies (and young men…and even adults!) who misbehave on Facebook. I see siblings calling each other names, I see children disrespecting their parents, I see broken up couples talk maliciously about their ex, I see Christians use language they have no business using...or most of all, I see people using Facebook as a dumping site for complaining. They complain about their work, about their coworkers, about life, about the weather, or just how they are so mad/unhappy/sad/irritated at all the world, etc. 

Ladies! Do you realize how discouraging it is to your friends as they open up Facebook and see endless statuses about how everyone is so miserable? It seems if you really want to get to know someone, look them up on Facebook. I am sad to say many people have lost their Christianity on Facebook… it makes me wonder if they ever had it to begin with!  

I think we should use Facebook to encourage other people with happy posts, encouraging statuses, and very little complaining about life. Wouldn’t it be great to live in a world where instead of being reminded of how awful everything is, we are reminded of its beauty? Or instead of squabbling in useless debates and argumentative pointless quarrels, what if we reminded each other of how great our God is? And wouldn’t it be so comforting to know that we are surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ, and not people who are self-centeredly thinking only about posting their hour-by-hour agenda? 

Again, I say, I am far from perfect and probably have behaved before quite ridiculous on Facebook. But now, I try to view it differently. I view it as a great tool for either good or bad. Remember, what you say can be seen by everyone. If you realized just how many people read your words, looked through your pictures, and watched your videos perhaps you might change what you said! I believe Facebook doesn't have to be evil. It can be very good and very powerful if we decide to use it for glorifying God, not promoting ourselves!

<3

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." Eph 4:29

"Don't let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." 1 Tim 4:12

Once Upon a Time~ My New Blog!

In a place where dreams are often forgotten, and the gilded splendor of fame and fortune lure away the common soul, a place not too far from where you read these words, a princess softly sighs.

Who is this princess, you ask? I am sure you know her. Perhaps she is me. Perhaps she is you. Perhaps she is inside each and every young woman. We may have only forgotten her. Did not every little girl dream of becoming a princess? A fair maiden of quiet beauty, a courageous woman of spirit, a noble heart of love, a warrior against the injustice of her people, a girl illuminating a character of honesty, purity, charity, and twinkling eyes filled with adventure—did not every little girl dream to become one of these? Or maybe all of them?

I know I did. 

Do you ever feel out of place in this world? So many are distracted from the Lord’s true calling for us Christians. We have been given a short time upon this globe— a time filled with battles against fiery dragons, against the hidden work of demons, against the devastating blows of giants, against kings who seek to tear down the Kingdom, against princes who seek to distract us from our true Father’s charge. 

I write this blog for encouragement, for fun, and for God. I wish to remind girls that as we are all princesses and serve a majestic King above we are called to be ladies, pure and Godly. Enjoy!