The older I get the more I realize there is no need to rush. No rush to get married, no rush to accomplish everything, no rush to find that mystical ‘happily ever after.’ Because all that really matters in life is God and doing His work. And nothing about His labor makes you feel lonely or impatient or unsatisfied. It is beautifully perfect. ♥

Do What You are Afraid To Do

A new chapter begins in many people's lives this week. At close of which, I find my usual philosophic verbiage threatening to choke me if I do not release a few quick thoughts. First of all, I cannot feel too grateful of the chance I have to be here. This really is a beautiful place; a sort of cocoon of safety I feel it is.

For the past few weeks a single phrase has been running through my mind. Mystically as it entered, even more mystically it has somehow become ingrained as a fixed, immovable epitaph carved into my character:

Do what you are afraid to do.

My resilience this week has been nothing short of mind-blowing. For a melodramatic, worryaholic I cannot believe how I have been able to not only survive the week—but nay! I have smiled and laughed and sailed through it with joy! There are so many beautiful people in my life! I have enjoyed so many parts of it that there really is no excuse for a long, dreary monologue of my dark misfortunes or tragic deprivations of a peaceful heart. (Mostly because there is a deprivation of deprivations, if that makes any sense!)
 
Simply the fact remains: the formidable blow for which I had been waiting has not struck. The axe has not fallen, the heart has not cracked under pressure, and the mind has not discovered any empty pockets of longing nor whipped together the lethal mixture of self-pity and ingratitude.

Upon the threshold of this new chapter of my life, there were a few, prodigiously marked fears that stormed the tranquility of my mind. One fear I discovered was not a fear at all. Though it has drained quite a bit of my energy it has been hemmed with love, pleasure, laughter, and a very unexpected feeling of familiarity and comfort. The other fear has, again, turned out to be not a fear at all! But a reason to rejoice! A victory! A feeling of beautiful escape and freedom. And, I might add with a sly little smile, the enchantments have worn so quickly away that the whole of it looks extremely ridiculous to me now. I would not wish it back for the world!

I venture a guess at what magically transformed all this dread into happy butterflies and contented smiles. I can say—without a doubt—that God must be the master behind the scene. He must be the author of this little story of my life. He must have sprinkled magical dust on my silly, dramatic heart and calmed it as only divine intervention can do.

My advice to the world today is this: Do what you are afraid to do.

If you think about it logically, if you do so often what strikes fear in your heart, after a while, you won’t be afraid any longer. Then you shall be powerful and strong and—dare I say—incredibly well-equipped to fight the harder foes of this world!

And really, most of the time, the fear of something is much greater than the object itself. It reminds me of the verse:

“I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.

So why are you afraid of mere humans,

who wither like the grass and disappear?

Yet you have forgotten the Lord, your Creator,

the one who stretched out the sky like a canopy

and laid the foundations of the earth.

Will you remain in constant dread of human oppressors?

Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies?

Where is their fury and anger now?

It is gone!” Is. 51:12-13

 

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4

Finding Contentment In All Things....

Mingled within the cool of the night breeze, my soul was captivated by the delicious smell of pine and burning wood. It was a sweet night; humble, soft, little stars peppered the deep blue skies. My every sense was overwhelmed. The air was magical; with every deep drink I drew in I became more inspired to be alive. It was an enlightening moment and I knew that I was on the brink of learning a very important sort of lesson.

I have felt distress lately about not knowing where to live. In a very short while I might be making a more permanent place of my home. I always felt that if I came back to my home state, I would be lonely, never get married, never be happy, or half a million other dark fears.

But this trip has changed all that. I realize how much I miss just being home. I miss the fresh air. I miss the people. I miss being surrounded by lakes and rolling hills and beautiful forests. When I am home I enjoy clarity of mind and the feeling of safety. And for all my doubts about Michigan, my perspective has magically been rejuvenated.

And as for the fears of never getting married or finding someone, it's beginning to dawn on me that when the time is right God will make it happen! All the people who have impacted the greatest change on my life have been introduced to me in some mysterious, sort of unavoidable way. I know this to be true because I actually tried to avoid one of these people, but he persisted until he got my number. But who would have known that little incident would have inevitably lead to me deciding to go to college down south? And how I was so incredibly blessed with that decision!


Crazy, how one thing leads to another, eh?

So I have determined within myself that I shall not worry about getting married. Until I find that someone who I feel crazy about...someone who I feel is my equal, a best friend I can admit into the thoughts of my heart, why worry about anyone else? I've never felt that way about a person and really, it only needs to happen once, right? Such a man will be quite obvious to me, I think. Now is the time to grow and work on my own heart and prepare myself to be who I am going to be for the rest of my life.

And I feel quite happy about this.

It is a very relieving thought when you decide to fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely. I suppose I am not extremely lonely, more anxious to get my life settled than actual loneliness. Sometimes, I get the hint that the little aches inside my heart has nothing to do with finding earthly love. Sometimes, I believe it is simply the aches of this life, the longing to be with God, longing to have a stronger faith, the longing to know him, and the realization that this world is not my home; these make up the most painful stings inside my chest. And these feelings will never be fully done away with until I get to go to my true home with God.


And with this too, I feel quite reconciled.

I have learned a good deal how to be patient. There is no hurry in life when you know God is directing you. If God does not change your surroundings, pray that he will change your attitude. With all the little worries about life, the wondering where you will live or what you will do with yourself, we must always remember--our true home is not here! One day we'll understand. One day all those little aches will be gone.

And until that day, I will be joyful and still; at peace and overwhelmingly blessed. God gave me beautiful pine trees, warm sunlight, coffee in the quiet morning, and lots of people to love and help--how could I ever be unhappy?

=)

"I know this, "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

^"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:11-13

^"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Eph 3:20-21

The Doldrums of Summer: When Life Seems to Be Going No Where

Haven't really had much to say lately. This picture pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for the past few weeks.

I feel as though I am hibernating!

Perhaps next week when I go home, I will be shaken out of these drugged summertime doldrums.Part of me gets a little depressed by this lackadaisical writer's block. Writing is so much a part of me, that when I can't express I feel that a vivid color or two has drained from the portrait of my personality.

I suppose we all feel this way about things...life gets you too busy and you can't find time to enjoy things in the deep and satisfying ways of Old... or perhaps you are just too tired after a long day of work...or simply, maybe you've entered into a different era of your life and new hobbies or tasks occupy your time. Whatever the case, I understand this can all give birth to that all too familiar discontented sigh.

In times like these, you need to just sit back, relax, and count your blessings. Pray that God will open your eyes to what he has done for you, for what he has created for your pleasure, and, perhaps, All the potentially distressing things he has chosen to protect you from...

I think we find God in simple, humble things. Such as the soft morning light of a new day... or the silence of the first fall of snow... or the gentle breeze that seems to answer a question within your heart. I find God in the roaring, wild, power of the ocean. I find God's intricacy in the vastness of the universe, in complexity of an eye, in the creative myriad of sea creatures.

When I get down or depressed or (like lately) simply lackluster-ish, I always try to thank God for all the beautiful things he has created. He makes the sun rise, he gives us breath, he teaches us lessons in his magnificent creation,  he makes us be still and quiet, he makes us passionate and courageous... he gives us mercy and hope and joy and salvation... I fall pray too often to the spirit of ingratitude, of distraction, and faithlessness. But all days won't be like that...
 

Life has up's and down's, sleepy days and busy days, stormy nights and refreshing mornings. But our joy is that no matter what, God remains faithful, constant, steady, and always there for us. And take heart that no matter where you are in life, no matter how confusing or challenging or busy or exhausting life is, God is there. God is listening. God has a definite plan for your life. And when it seems you are going nowhere, remember that God's thoughts, ways, and plans are bigger than ours. Have faith!

Times of doldrums always end. You can count on that.

<3

The Road Called Life

 

Wherever you are in life, whatever obstacles you face, don't give up! Keep on, keeping on! Nothing of beauty or worth or value in life is ever captured easily. The tougher the fight, the sweeter the victory.  And remember who fights for you every step of the way!

“Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Ex 14:13-14

We complicate moments. Hardly anything happens without the mind spinning it up into an elaborate production. It’s the elaboration that makes life more difficult than it needs to be. - Author unknown

<3

Dear Lord…

I am ready to forget. I am ready to totally move on. I am ready to stop hurting over this. Because I know you have in mind for me someone amazing. And I know that I'd rather be alone forever than sacrifice your precious plans for my life.You know my foolishness in this matter and you patiently wait for me to let go. Dear Lord, help me let go... I am tired of holding on to nothing. But most importantly, give me the faith to believe that I deserve better...and am worth the wait.

<3

Riding Out the Storm

I have been having fits of emotion lately. Lumbering, looming, lingering emotion that chokes away my joy and cheats me into thinking horrid lies at the cost of my precious peace. And as they are often times forgotten upon remembrance in a rose colored recollection of the past, when you live through them it is not difficult to become discourage at your constant fall into the gloomies.

Recently, I have felt more empowered in life. Empowered to not let people push me around, empowered to speak my mind, empowered to do what I like because simply I like it… and I suppose this has all contributed to my newly spawned feelings of confidence. How did it happen? I suppose sometimes you just get angry enough or fed up enough with people using you, hurting you, and pushing you that there comes a time to say: Enough is enough! And I have had enough.

It dawned on me the other day in the shower (where many great and revolutionary thoughts hit us of course) that as I conquer all these little enemies of my life, I could also conquer big ones using the same "enough is enough" technique. 

I have always been a slave to my moods, my depressed feelings, or my over sensitive emotional nature. But who says it has to be like that? I am sick of being depressed so easily! I am sick of being controlled by my silly female moods! I am sick of letting what I “feel” dictate how I think and act. God gave us a spirit of power, did he not? Well why not use it, I say!?

 

I’ve been trying a new strategy to fight my offish moods. I imagine it as a storm, and I simply must ride it out. I’ve realized most times when I try to fight these overwhelming moods that I get discouraged and become even more depressed when my attempts fail.

So I now try to view them as what they are: a passing storm. For they will pass. And if they are recognized for what they are: temporary, unreal, emotional, deceiving, and changeable as the weather— then comfort will follow. Ride out the waves, batter down against the storm, and have the wisdom and faith to realize that the storm isn’t your life… it is just the weather in your life for that particular moment. We must not let the waves control us, because we know that God controls it all. 

Remember those faithless apostles in the boat with Jesus? How they cried out fearing that they would drown—they had the Son of God in the boat with them! How could they have worried? But we do the same thing. We worry about drowning in our own storms of life, even when Jesus is right there next to us. 

So when we are in a storm of emotion, or bad moods, or whatever is disrupting our peace, ride out the waves.  Fight the good fight and know that smiles will come again as the sun begins to shine. And always remember that your God controls the storm.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 

2 Tim 1:7

"...for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him." 2 Peter 2:19b

"The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!”    He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. “Where is your faith?” he asked his disciples..." Luke 8:24-25

Discovering God's Gifts for Us

Doesn’t this little church look so quaint? My spirit longs for the simple things. A quiet, sun drenched morning, a song of the robin’s jubilee… that solemn, reverent moment as you watch the sun melt into the waters of the ocean. If you think about it, and if you are the sort of person to appreciate such things, we can find more than enough joy and beauty simply with things God has given us. And if you embrace what treasures God really gives us, you will realize it far outweighs the second rate, artificial, empty satisfaction we get ourselves by our own hands. 

When we do God’s will he gives us his spirit…his spirit to love, his spirit of unexplainable peace, his spirit of unending joy—the resolution to be strong and powerful, the quietude to be wise and still, the grace to forgive others, the heart of generosity, and the purity to see him everywhere. 

I understand that for some these gifts are harder to obtain. It took me nearly 25 years to find them. But now that I have touched the outskirts of his great and vast array of treasures, I can very easily say that life can be ten millions times more happy, more enjoyable; filled with more deep laughs, filled with more starry-eyes, filled with more contented sighs.

I promise you. 

If you don’t feel this way, I would strongly suggest drawing closer to God. Read his word, pray more often, remove unnecessary clutter from your life, get rid of peace-draining people and activities, slow down, do not try too hard, and always, always have faith. Finding the gifts of God isn’t something you obtain with hard work, lots of scripture reading, and dutiful prayers. It is given to you, through grace, by God. It is exactly what it is: a gift.

Hang in there when dark days seem unending. It will get better. The sun will rise again. How do I know? It has always gotten better for me. I went through the pain of realizing my estranged 
father might not make it to heaven. But God helped me through. I struggled through the confusion of not knowing what to do with my life. But God gave me direction. I had my heartbroken in the most painful way this past spring. But God is continually helping me to heal each day. And I am fully confident that he carries us through our hurts and aches of this life. He may not give us what we want, but he always gives us what is right. Of course, I did not want to go through the emotional agony of being rejected last spring, but I feel wiser, stronger, and so much closer to God because of it. God does not want us to hurt, but, living in a fallen world, if we must walk through a valley he can use it to either teach us a lesson or help us grow closer to him. God doesn’t waste any circumstances in our lives, but rather he uses all of them for good!

So hang in there. God longs to share his perfect gifts with you. He longs for you to be happy in this life.  And I promise, it will get better!

"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Is. 32:17

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

The Long Road

Do you ever just stand back, look over your life, and say….”Wow.”

It brings such joyful tears to my eyes when I look back and see all that I have experienced, all that I have hurt for, all that I have laugh over, all that I have learned, all that I have dreamed, all the amazing, beautiful things God has taught me. It is standing in the face of phenomenal awe when you really comprehend it…  Oh the person I am now, how dear and close to my Lord I feel… I would walk through every heartache, every tear stained night, every fearful terror of my life again and again if it means keeping this precious relationship with my Father. All the people God has brought into my life…here and now, gone and past, how they helped me on my journey toward the person I am today.

It reminds me of the verse…. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28.

God is so powerful he can work everything we do as Christian, even our idiotic mistakes, our worst failures, our addictions, our sins, our victories, everything! He can work it out for the good of us. Sometimes our weaknesses serve as the most powerful tools of ministry. The comfort of God is so beautiful. He comforts us, so we might comfort others, who in turn can comfort others… What a perfect plan!

What a beautiful lesson tonight at church! I tell you the truth, Brother Noel has changed my life with his powerful sermons. I think it is worth everything just to be here and listen to the power of God's word from this blessed man. Oh what freedom and peace and joy and utter, complete happiness is there to be found in God! How can we not share it with others? How can we keep quiet? How can words even describe our joy? 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ." 2 Cor 1:3-6