The older I get the more I realize there is no need to rush. No rush to get married, no rush to accomplish everything, no rush to find that mystical ‘happily ever after.’ Because all that really matters in life is God and doing His work. And nothing about His labor makes you feel lonely or impatient or unsatisfied. It is beautifully perfect. ♥

Do What You are Afraid To Do

A new chapter begins in many people's lives this week. At close of which, I find my usual philosophic verbiage threatening to choke me if I do not release a few quick thoughts. First of all, I cannot feel too grateful of the chance I have to be here. This really is a beautiful place; a sort of cocoon of safety I feel it is.

For the past few weeks a single phrase has been running through my mind. Mystically as it entered, even more mystically it has somehow become ingrained as a fixed, immovable epitaph carved into my character:

Do what you are afraid to do.

My resilience this week has been nothing short of mind-blowing. For a melodramatic, worryaholic I cannot believe how I have been able to not only survive the week—but nay! I have smiled and laughed and sailed through it with joy! There are so many beautiful people in my life! I have enjoyed so many parts of it that there really is no excuse for a long, dreary monologue of my dark misfortunes or tragic deprivations of a peaceful heart. (Mostly because there is a deprivation of deprivations, if that makes any sense!)
 
Simply the fact remains: the formidable blow for which I had been waiting has not struck. The axe has not fallen, the heart has not cracked under pressure, and the mind has not discovered any empty pockets of longing nor whipped together the lethal mixture of self-pity and ingratitude.

Upon the threshold of this new chapter of my life, there were a few, prodigiously marked fears that stormed the tranquility of my mind. One fear I discovered was not a fear at all. Though it has drained quite a bit of my energy it has been hemmed with love, pleasure, laughter, and a very unexpected feeling of familiarity and comfort. The other fear has, again, turned out to be not a fear at all! But a reason to rejoice! A victory! A feeling of beautiful escape and freedom. And, I might add with a sly little smile, the enchantments have worn so quickly away that the whole of it looks extremely ridiculous to me now. I would not wish it back for the world!

I venture a guess at what magically transformed all this dread into happy butterflies and contented smiles. I can say—without a doubt—that God must be the master behind the scene. He must be the author of this little story of my life. He must have sprinkled magical dust on my silly, dramatic heart and calmed it as only divine intervention can do.

My advice to the world today is this: Do what you are afraid to do.

If you think about it logically, if you do so often what strikes fear in your heart, after a while, you won’t be afraid any longer. Then you shall be powerful and strong and—dare I say—incredibly well-equipped to fight the harder foes of this world!

And really, most of the time, the fear of something is much greater than the object itself. It reminds me of the verse:

“I, yes I, am the one who comforts you.

So why are you afraid of mere humans,

who wither like the grass and disappear?

Yet you have forgotten the Lord, your Creator,

the one who stretched out the sky like a canopy

and laid the foundations of the earth.

Will you remain in constant dread of human oppressors?

Will you continue to fear the anger of your enemies?

Where is their fury and anger now?

It is gone!” Is. 51:12-13

Why Life is Awesome #6

Is it really possible to be this happy? What an incredible week!!

For so long I had so much fear about things in my life and in the twinkling of a beautiful brave moment they vanished entirely.

Oh goodness how can a person feel so much happiness and not explode? God has been so good to me in such indescribable ways...I lead a humble, quiet sort of life--but I feel richer than a king today. I feel like a ridiculous girl in love! Or a child at Christmas! I am so happy!

 Whoever knew the heart could feel such joy?

Oh what a glorious day! I dare say nothing will give me a frown!

Finding Contentment In All Things....

Mingled within the cool of the night breeze, my soul was captivated by the delicious smell of pine and burning wood. It was a sweet night; humble, soft, little stars peppered the deep blue skies. My every sense was overwhelmed. The air was magical; with every deep drink I drew in I became more inspired to be alive. It was an enlightening moment and I knew that I was on the brink of learning a very important sort of lesson.

I have felt distress lately about not knowing where to live. In a very short while I might be making a more permanent place of my home. I always felt that if I came back to my home state, I would be lonely, never get married, never be happy, or half a million other dark fears.

But this trip has changed all that. I realize how much I miss just being home. I miss the fresh air. I miss the people. I miss being surrounded by lakes and rolling hills and beautiful forests. When I am home I enjoy clarity of mind and the feeling of safety. And for all my doubts about Michigan, my perspective has magically been rejuvenated.

And as for the fears of never getting married or finding someone, it's beginning to dawn on me that when the time is right God will make it happen! All the people who have impacted the greatest change on my life have been introduced to me in some mysterious, sort of unavoidable way. I know this to be true because I actually tried to avoid one of these people, but he persisted until he got my number. But who would have known that little incident would have inevitably lead to me deciding to go to college down south? And how I was so incredibly blessed with that decision!


Crazy, how one thing leads to another, eh?

So I have determined within myself that I shall not worry about getting married. Until I find that someone who I feel crazy about...someone who I feel is my equal, a best friend I can admit into the thoughts of my heart, why worry about anyone else? I've never felt that way about a person and really, it only needs to happen once, right? Such a man will be quite obvious to me, I think. Now is the time to grow and work on my own heart and prepare myself to be who I am going to be for the rest of my life.

And I feel quite happy about this.

It is a very relieving thought when you decide to fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely. I suppose I am not extremely lonely, more anxious to get my life settled than actual loneliness. Sometimes, I get the hint that the little aches inside my heart has nothing to do with finding earthly love. Sometimes, I believe it is simply the aches of this life, the longing to be with God, longing to have a stronger faith, the longing to know him, and the realization that this world is not my home; these make up the most painful stings inside my chest. And these feelings will never be fully done away with until I get to go to my true home with God.


And with this too, I feel quite reconciled.

I have learned a good deal how to be patient. There is no hurry in life when you know God is directing you. If God does not change your surroundings, pray that he will change your attitude. With all the little worries about life, the wondering where you will live or what you will do with yourself, we must always remember--our true home is not here! One day we'll understand. One day all those little aches will be gone.

And until that day, I will be joyful and still; at peace and overwhelmingly blessed. God gave me beautiful pine trees, warm sunlight, coffee in the quiet morning, and lots of people to love and help--how could I ever be unhappy?

=)

"I know this, "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

^"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:11-13

^"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Eph 3:20-21

Happiness!

Some moments, many moments lately,  I have bursts of overpowering joy. I feel so incredibly blessed by God. At times I just let myself fall completely in wonder of his presence. Something I have learned: Through all the trials of this life one thing is for sure, God never leaves us! And he has a special, beautiful plan for each of us. Lately, I have felt God's overwhelming presence and guidance in my life. And I began to feel this way as soon as I stopped trying to figure out how. As soon as I let go and began to believe in the impossible, did I find that it had all become possible! I feel freedom from pains that kept me chained up for so long. I feel joy in knowing the simple truth of God, his steady love, and the assurance that it only takes faith to make the impossible, possible.

 God created so many wonderful, happy things! Life can be so amazing if we chose to view it as such.

<3

The Doldrums of Summer: When Life Seems to Be Going No Where

Haven't really had much to say lately. This picture pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for the past few weeks.

I feel as though I am hibernating!

Perhaps next week when I go home, I will be shaken out of these drugged summertime doldrums.Part of me gets a little depressed by this lackadaisical writer's block. Writing is so much a part of me, that when I can't express I feel that a vivid color or two has drained from the portrait of my personality.

I suppose we all feel this way about things...life gets you too busy and you can't find time to enjoy things in the deep and satisfying ways of Old... or perhaps you are just too tired after a long day of work...or simply, maybe you've entered into a different era of your life and new hobbies or tasks occupy your time. Whatever the case, I understand this can all give birth to that all too familiar discontented sigh.

In times like these, you need to just sit back, relax, and count your blessings. Pray that God will open your eyes to what he has done for you, for what he has created for your pleasure, and, perhaps, All the potentially distressing things he has chosen to protect you from...

I think we find God in simple, humble things. Such as the soft morning light of a new day... or the silence of the first fall of snow... or the gentle breeze that seems to answer a question within your heart. I find God in the roaring, wild, power of the ocean. I find God's intricacy in the vastness of the universe, in complexity of an eye, in the creative myriad of sea creatures.

When I get down or depressed or (like lately) simply lackluster-ish, I always try to thank God for all the beautiful things he has created. He makes the sun rise, he gives us breath, he teaches us lessons in his magnificent creation,  he makes us be still and quiet, he makes us passionate and courageous... he gives us mercy and hope and joy and salvation... I fall pray too often to the spirit of ingratitude, of distraction, and faithlessness. But all days won't be like that...
 

Life has up's and down's, sleepy days and busy days, stormy nights and refreshing mornings. But our joy is that no matter what, God remains faithful, constant, steady, and always there for us. And take heart that no matter where you are in life, no matter how confusing or challenging or busy or exhausting life is, God is there. God is listening. God has a definite plan for your life. And when it seems you are going nowhere, remember that God's thoughts, ways, and plans are bigger than ours. Have faith!

Times of doldrums always end. You can count on that.

<3

As Post Graduate Blues Fade into Prettier Hues

Welcome to day 9316 of my life and day 195 of my freedom from all matters college-related. I feel so happy. And it is a restful, steady happiness. It is not feeling the rush or stress of trying to find peace or working really hard to accomplish things or even pushing myself to move through life. It is a kind of floating along feeling, a drifting bubble of unconcern and complete trust in my life. I’ve never felt like this before in my God. There was always school to dread, schedules to make, tests to study for, people to tolerate…but I feel the older I get the more sundered I feel from this type of lifestyle. It feels as if the race is over and won, the prize accomplished….and I now have the entirety of my awesome, beautiful, amazing life to look forward too.

Well, goodness, I feel quite powerful jubilation at such a sudden thought! It’s like this is the first year of the rest of my life! A fresh, new exciting book to dive into! Softly, with ill attempts to suppress  the bursting joy within, my heart rapturously suggests that not only am I no longer burdened by academic shackles and all the tortures that lie there in, but I have such new, inexperienced freedom awaiting ahead of me! If you have just graduated from college, it may be a little rough at first.

It may be full of confusion and ultimately, very lonely. I know those first few months I felt totally lost and never more "on my own" as then. But have faith! It gets better! And once you’ve plowed through the roughest parts, the shifting and adjusting, it will be even better than before! Life will settle and you will become older, wiser, and braver. And soon you’ll see, the depressing hues of blue will transform in the most illustrious and magnificent spectrum of brilliant colors!

Discovering God's Gifts for Us

Doesn’t this little church look so quaint? My spirit longs for the simple things. A quiet, sun drenched morning, a song of the robin’s jubilee… that solemn, reverent moment as you watch the sun melt into the waters of the ocean. If you think about it, and if you are the sort of person to appreciate such things, we can find more than enough joy and beauty simply with things God has given us. And if you embrace what treasures God really gives us, you will realize it far outweighs the second rate, artificial, empty satisfaction we get ourselves by our own hands. 

When we do God’s will he gives us his spirit…his spirit to love, his spirit of unexplainable peace, his spirit of unending joy—the resolution to be strong and powerful, the quietude to be wise and still, the grace to forgive others, the heart of generosity, and the purity to see him everywhere. 

I understand that for some these gifts are harder to obtain. It took me nearly 25 years to find them. But now that I have touched the outskirts of his great and vast array of treasures, I can very easily say that life can be ten millions times more happy, more enjoyable; filled with more deep laughs, filled with more starry-eyes, filled with more contented sighs.

I promise you. 

If you don’t feel this way, I would strongly suggest drawing closer to God. Read his word, pray more often, remove unnecessary clutter from your life, get rid of peace-draining people and activities, slow down, do not try too hard, and always, always have faith. Finding the gifts of God isn’t something you obtain with hard work, lots of scripture reading, and dutiful prayers. It is given to you, through grace, by God. It is exactly what it is: a gift.

Hang in there when dark days seem unending. It will get better. The sun will rise again. How do I know? It has always gotten better for me. I went through the pain of realizing my estranged 
father might not make it to heaven. But God helped me through. I struggled through the confusion of not knowing what to do with my life. But God gave me direction. I had my heartbroken in the most painful way this past spring. But God is continually helping me to heal each day. And I am fully confident that he carries us through our hurts and aches of this life. He may not give us what we want, but he always gives us what is right. Of course, I did not want to go through the emotional agony of being rejected last spring, but I feel wiser, stronger, and so much closer to God because of it. God does not want us to hurt, but, living in a fallen world, if we must walk through a valley he can use it to either teach us a lesson or help us grow closer to him. God doesn’t waste any circumstances in our lives, but rather he uses all of them for good!

So hang in there. God longs to share his perfect gifts with you. He longs for you to be happy in this life.  And I promise, it will get better!

"The fruit of righteousness will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever." Is. 32:17

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt. 11:28-30

Happy Summer, Dear Readers!

Hello dear readers!

I wish I might talk to each and every one of you and indulge in your stories about your summer. How fairs it? Is it everything summers should be? Lazy, deep, happy, peaceful--filled with glasses of lemonade, nights where you watch the stars pop of out purple twilight, trips to the beach, movies with popcorn, secret little cap naps in the sun, carnivals and cotton candy?

I must confess, I wish my summer would never end. I had my fears about being stuck here for the whole summer but I say, it is the best summer I have had in years! It is quiet here, few people, but just enough to not make you feel isolated... my work schedule is easy, my friend group is smaller therefore I feel closer to them... My sister and I take evening walks through the campus. Such quiet tranquility! For those who are students, do you know how absolutely fresh and dreamlike the campus is without hoards of nosiy kids bursting from every possible crack in the walls?


I feel so blessed and so happy and so peaceful! I wish summer might never end! It is a healing summer...and I hope my spirit will be fully restored come fall, if it isn't already. Wasn't God so awesome when he decided to give us months of beautiful sunshine and warm whether? I hope all people out there are enjoying their summer! If you, dear readers, indeed are not enjoying your summer, change that this very day! Find your blessings and enjoy the life God has gifted to you. You already have all you need to be happy. And sometimes, I have learned, true happiness isn't found in fancy jobs, or fancy vacations, or busy schedules, or big screen t.v.'s--actually, I would say rarely it is ever found in such things! I believe happiness is found when you are quiet and still, when you breathe in deep morning air and whisper a prayer within your heart. Trust your life to God and enjoy the beauty the around you!

Restlessness

Chiefly arising from a childish frustration in which all the grand spectrum of my maturity was exposed as the incomplete puzzle that it is, I felt rather put out this morning. What reasons I might blame for the vile and contemptibly unwelcome spirit I had this morning, I cannot quite say. But, regardless, I may say with shame and regret that I was feeling much anxious and impatient and silly today. Do you ever have those moments when you feel rather idiotic? That you sit there, comatose, drunkenly in a stupor of over-thinking? Where is the off button for the female brain!

I admit, for all my projections of peace and joy, I struggle with a barbarous enemy of restlessness… I feel so antsy to experience everything. I want to see the world. I want to travel to the Grand Canyon. I want to see mountains and great forests. I want to fall asleep on the beach. I want to go to Scotland again. I want to see the Pacific Ocean… I want to see the Hollywood sign. I want to travel on Route 66. I want to see a tornado. I want to touch an elephant. I want to see the northern lights. I want to gallop upon a horse. I want to trek across New Zealand and look for Mt. Doom. As I grow older and more romantically minded I begin to behold God’s creation in such breathtaking awe. I want to experience it all! I feel like half a person, stuck dreaming about the world instead of actually adventuring out into it.  

I feel so anxious to fall in love and live out my Jane Austen-like dreams… the more I see of young men in the world, the more disappointed I am in them. I now understand a teaspoon of what true love must really feel like. It must be a selfless, sincere, pure sort of devotion, a deep and intricate desire to know the well-trodden paths within their mind and the bold chivalry to walk a million miles for the one you love… and even further, I believe love, honest, pure, absolutely true love requires the selflessness to give the other person what they want most…even if that means letting them go. I’ve not yet experienced this kind of love, for sure. Of course boys are swept up in a fireworks spell over my pretty words, or my pretty hair, or my shy spirit—but that means nothing to me.

You might conclude that when the first rich, charming gentleman who is wild about me enters into my life I should jump into his arms and script the finale of my adventures of singlehood. But it seems the older I get, the more unsatisfied I become with the shallow, empty ways of the world and the more I am convinced that only the deepest love will persuade me into matrimony. (Did I just quote Jane Austen? Oh, yes, I believe I did). Do you tire of the world? I do. Where they offer a shortcut, I seek the surreptitious twists and secrets of a fairy forest. Where the world offers a glaring neon sign, I seek the blazon canvas of one of God’s magnificent sunsets… When the world offers the chalice of fame, pleasure, and fortune I drink in quiet dreams of peacefulness and a simple desire to do what God has set before me.

 

The more I realize my dreams the more I realize how impossible they seem. Do you ever feel like that? So many pretty things inside and no one can comprehend them. For once it might be grand, to have someone understand that I want so much more than they’ve got planned.

(Did I just quote Beauty and the Beast? Why, yes…yes I did.)