You are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 1 John 4:4

My Rebellious Suitcase

My suitcase upon my bed looks as if it has quite exploded.

I know the usual pattern of travel consists of a rather opposite effect, but as my suitcase has always been rebellious and quite determined to do things in the most ridiculous manner possible, it has simply refused to be neatly packed until it finds the perfect moment to do so. That being said, I shall venture to declare, mystically, that I don't think there will ever be a perfect time for that suit case to be packed. It is very happy to be unpacked. All my treasures--my purple zebra shirt, my bags of bead purchases, a very old edition of A Tale of Two Cities--all these lovely things really do not want to return to Arkansas. They like it very much here.

And as obstinate and high-minded as I most days decide to be, it would be barbaric and downright sinful to be so callous toward the feelings of my suitcase.

However, as I am a logical and rational sort of person nearly half a day during a blue moon, I will see that a paramount problem lay before me. The suitcase must go back to Arkansas. It must face the tasks and responsibilities which have been put upon it. It must guard my under the bed. (For such a place being so dark and dusty, I would probably have a fit of terror each night if it wasn't for my suitcase protecting me.

So I shall try to convince my suitcase, that in returning and being honorable and brave, it will be worthy of such high esteem and phenomenal respect which most suitcases only dream of achieving.

I too shall try to console myself. Because after I patiently care for my suitcase and wait for a happy mood to come to him, I will be left alone with my own anxiety about returning. The more I leave, the more I realize how much I want to just come home. I am not ready to face the long nights, the flutters in my chest of exhaustion, the endless mood storms of people, the demanding students, the floor that is never clean enough, the food that is never good enough...

I sigh just thinking about it.

But, apprehension of a fear is usually never as fearful as the actual thing itself. As soon as I get past the first few days, I know I shall be fine. I shall even be comfortable and happy, enjoying my free hours to read or write or make jewelry and drink coffee. It couldn't be a happier situation.

So I shall not worry my suitcase about such things. He has enough on his mind. Don't tell him I told you, but he is extremely nervous about going through the baggage check. He did beautifully last time, but did complain that his left wheel almost got ripped off in the conveyor belt...

He is also rather concerned that he will be sent to Ohio on accident. I simply smile and tell him it will all work out okay.

Oh the silly, silly things we worry about... =)

L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N.

The new organization I am considering joining... =)

 

Girls need more role models like Hermione.

I must admit however, the movie cast Snape in a much more sympathetic light than the books. I did not feel hardly any sympathy for the written Snape...maybe it was the music, maybe it was Alan Rickman's awesome acting, maybe it was J.K.Rowling's disinclination for tragic heroes...whatever the case, the movie wrenched the heart more poignantly.... but regardless, I shall always be of the opinion the worst of Harry Potter is better than the best of Twilight. =)

Finding Contentment In All Things....

Mingled within the cool of the night breeze, my soul was captivated by the delicious smell of pine and burning wood. It was a sweet night; humble, soft, little stars peppered the deep blue skies. My every sense was overwhelmed. The air was magical; with every deep drink I drew in I became more inspired to be alive. It was an enlightening moment and I knew that I was on the brink of learning a very important sort of lesson.

I have felt distress lately about not knowing where to live. In a very short while I might be making a more permanent place of my home. I always felt that if I came back to my home state, I would be lonely, never get married, never be happy, or half a million other dark fears.

But this trip has changed all that. I realize how much I miss just being home. I miss the fresh air. I miss the people. I miss being surrounded by lakes and rolling hills and beautiful forests. When I am home I enjoy clarity of mind and the feeling of safety. And for all my doubts about Michigan, my perspective has magically been rejuvenated.

And as for the fears of never getting married or finding someone, it's beginning to dawn on me that when the time is right God will make it happen! All the people who have impacted the greatest change on my life have been introduced to me in some mysterious, sort of unavoidable way. I know this to be true because I actually tried to avoid one of these people, but he persisted until he got my number. But who would have known that little incident would have inevitably lead to me deciding to go to college down south? And how I was so incredibly blessed with that decision!


Crazy, how one thing leads to another, eh?

So I have determined within myself that I shall not worry about getting married. Until I find that someone who I feel crazy about...someone who I feel is my equal, a best friend I can admit into the thoughts of my heart, why worry about anyone else? I've never felt that way about a person and really, it only needs to happen once, right? Such a man will be quite obvious to me, I think. Now is the time to grow and work on my own heart and prepare myself to be who I am going to be for the rest of my life.

And I feel quite happy about this.

It is a very relieving thought when you decide to fall in love when you are ready, not when you are lonely. I suppose I am not extremely lonely, more anxious to get my life settled than actual loneliness. Sometimes, I get the hint that the little aches inside my heart has nothing to do with finding earthly love. Sometimes, I believe it is simply the aches of this life, the longing to be with God, longing to have a stronger faith, the longing to know him, and the realization that this world is not my home; these make up the most painful stings inside my chest. And these feelings will never be fully done away with until I get to go to my true home with God.


And with this too, I feel quite reconciled.

I have learned a good deal how to be patient. There is no hurry in life when you know God is directing you. If God does not change your surroundings, pray that he will change your attitude. With all the little worries about life, the wondering where you will live or what you will do with yourself, we must always remember--our true home is not here! One day we'll understand. One day all those little aches will be gone.

And until that day, I will be joyful and still; at peace and overwhelmingly blessed. God gave me beautiful pine trees, warm sunlight, coffee in the quiet morning, and lots of people to love and help--how could I ever be unhappy?

=)

"I know this, "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

^"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Phil 4:11-13

^"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Eph 3:20-21

Happiness!

Some moments, many moments lately,  I have bursts of overpowering joy. I feel so incredibly blessed by God. At times I just let myself fall completely in wonder of his presence. Something I have learned: Through all the trials of this life one thing is for sure, God never leaves us! And he has a special, beautiful plan for each of us. Lately, I have felt God's overwhelming presence and guidance in my life. And I began to feel this way as soon as I stopped trying to figure out how. As soon as I let go and began to believe in the impossible, did I find that it had all become possible! I feel freedom from pains that kept me chained up for so long. I feel joy in knowing the simple truth of God, his steady love, and the assurance that it only takes faith to make the impossible, possible.

 God created so many wonderful, happy things! Life can be so amazing if we chose to view it as such.

<3

Why Life is Awesome #5

Why Michigan is ten million times better than Arkansas...

We have been home for a week and a half now and I must say: its been absolutely amazing. After such a hot, stupidly hot, summer this place is a drink of cool water. 

I've gotten new glasses so now I can see. I have gotten my teeth fixed so now the terror of my summer is over. I have restocked my bead supplies, played on the monkey bars, fallen in love again with my beautiful, quiet, amazingly handsome eye doctor, sold another piece of jewelry, and have eaten lots of pie. I have had an amazing time with my mom and sister--and it always seems after that initial "I can't live here!" clash of wills, attitude subsides I seem to actually feel rather happy here. 

I use to think I'd stay in Searcy longer...but I am beginning to change my mind. I am tired of it. I am tired of the fake sincerity I find down south. I am tired of the road systems, the lack of craft stores, the bugs the size of Texas...

I miss all the beautiful Great Lakes, the rugged landscapes, the cool breezes... I miss being around my family. I miss being so close to civilization. I miss my little cousins. 

I love my insane family...

Funny, I never thought I'd actually want to return here. But that summer in Searcy changed me. Home has been a changing thing over the years. We've drifted as nomads, never feeling settled, never feeling at home. But I am ready for that to change. I want to be home, wherever that might be. In one place. No more moving around. No more devastating problems. No more unhappiness. No more being divided. For the first time in nearly four years, I am ready to go home!

Michigan isn't nearly as sad and depressing as I remember it...in fact it has been absolutely delightful and refreshing! It makes me wonder if such a thing is simply a matter of perspective...in that case, one might be happy anywhere in the world if only they decide it to be that way!

I feel so blessed. Some days I can't believe God blessed me with such an amazing life.

Letting Little Things Bother You

In the neat and tidy corner of my mind, I tinker and toy with a few thoughts. I think about the story I am writing…wondering where the rebel horse Esperanza will go after she’s broken free from the palace; or how to cleverly introduce my hero into the story without him tripping over a few holes I’ve forgotten to fill in along the plot. I think about the upcoming week, how I will ever make it through work knowing that my family, kittens, a pool, Hobby Lobby, and three weeks of 24/7 freedom wait on the other side… I also think about this weird headache in my head and wonder if any moment I might plop over dead from a mysterious illness that no one had ever heard of.

All of them, however, fail to distract me from the naughty, unpleasant little sprite that keeps throwing pens and wads of paper and my green flip flops at my head. It should be something that a mature, wise, noble 25 year old could easily ignore. I’ve had much greater things thrown at me. But sometimes it’s those little things, the paper clip in your eye or the hanger that hits you just right on your elbow that cause the angriest kind of frustration. I mean, anyone can battle a furious tiger on their way to the mail box. There is great honor and adventure and bravery in such battles!

But it is humiliating to acknowledge that something as small and insignificant as a tiny, sprite flicking erasers at you would get under your skin enough to rouse such volcanic anger. An annoying gnat buzzing around your head, dropping your toast on the jelly side, running out of gas, getting a paper cut, being fussed at, someone acting petty, a tear in your nylons,  someone stealing your parking spot--all of those tiny, minuscule, frustrating, aggravating little things that try to just push us over the edge...can really do just that.

Great, wise people—the ones who are usually dead—give us lots of cliched, sage-like tips on how to combat the little nuisances of life. They tell us to let go, to wait, to have patience, to stop seeking happiness and let it come to you, to smile, to laugh more, to dance in the rain, to forgive—and to love. Somehow love seems to be the panacea to every problem in the entire world. Love everybody and everything will be okay. They are all pretty thoughts…but how do you turn them into actions? How do you love people who really, quite honestly, make you unhappy or angry? How do you wait a year when you think you cannot wait another second? How do you feel happy when there is a storm inside of you?

And really, how do you ignore those pestering, annoying, mind-maddening, bamboozling little sprites when they just simply will not leave you alone?

If I had a magical sock that would sing you the truth—opera style— every time you wore it on your hand and asked it the secrets of the universe, I could probably tell you the answer to all those questions easily. As it is, however, that I am clean out of magical socks (that nasty little sprite has stolen them) I will just find resolution upon this idea:

That the more you grow and the more you experience, the more you mellow out…the more you realize just how silly it is to get so upset over little things. You fail to find the reasons, which seemed so earth shattering before, that made you a mess. And you begin to realize you have more power than you think. You can be confident, you can be strong, because you realize that you are perfectly able to handle the daily troubles of this life. And when the little sprite rubs its hands together in devilish glee and heaves  a toaster,your way you, for the first time in your life, are able to choose whether or not you shall grab the imp and lock him up in the drawer or display your control of self by simply ignoring him altogether.

Some people never get to this place…others do. I will get there one day. Perseverance and faith is the key.

Faith gives you the hope that the next day will not be so bad. Perseverance gives you the strength to actually carry it out. How do you get perseverance and faith? I don’t feel them as often as I’d like, and it is only by the grace of God that I feel them at all. The more you are put in situations that test your strength, the stronger you will become. You don't just get perseverance by wishing for it or praying desperately to God...no, instead God sends you boot camp obstacles to train you and make you fit. The greatest things in life usually take the greatest effort. And if we keep at it, never give up, we will win in the end.

So when little things are bothering you, remember that they won't always bother you. Someday it will all make sense. Someday you will laugh at how upset you got, but you will understand why you did. Never give up. Push through a rough day. Sometimes you will sweat the small stuff… but that doesn't mean you'll always sweat the small stuff.

At least this is what I believe… I’ve let ridiculous things bother me and usually end up laughing about it some time later.  Have patience with yourself. You'll get there soon if you never give up! You know what they say, “All good things come to those who ignore sprites…”

Or something like that…

Why Life is Awesome #4

Hobby Lobby!

One week til we return home. I can't wait...nor can I healthily contain my excitement. I honestly can't express my ecstatic rapture in going to Hobby Lobby for the first time in about four months. Every beader or crafter will understand why. Hobby Lobby:  the place where you can walk down the bead laden aisles, the inspiring smell of eucalyptus filling your senses, soft, quiet church music playing over head, and millions upon millions of ideas and patterns and designs overloading your creative brain....ohh... *Shivers* is there any therapy, any joy, any absolute euphoria comparable to this?

And the best part? Ten or fifteen minutes in any direction you can find another bead store. I love Michigan shopping. I am not materialistic or a shopping addict in any sense of word....but bead stores? Now, I love those bead stores.... Why would I ever go to therapy or take depression pills when I could walk into one of these amazing stores and find everything in the world that brings wondrous happiness to my heart?

Ah. It's a good morning.

<3

The Doldrums of Summer: When Life Seems to Be Going No Where

Haven't really had much to say lately. This picture pretty much sums up how I've been feeling for the past few weeks.

I feel as though I am hibernating!

Perhaps next week when I go home, I will be shaken out of these drugged summertime doldrums.Part of me gets a little depressed by this lackadaisical writer's block. Writing is so much a part of me, that when I can't express I feel that a vivid color or two has drained from the portrait of my personality.

I suppose we all feel this way about things...life gets you too busy and you can't find time to enjoy things in the deep and satisfying ways of Old... or perhaps you are just too tired after a long day of work...or simply, maybe you've entered into a different era of your life and new hobbies or tasks occupy your time. Whatever the case, I understand this can all give birth to that all too familiar discontented sigh.

In times like these, you need to just sit back, relax, and count your blessings. Pray that God will open your eyes to what he has done for you, for what he has created for your pleasure, and, perhaps, All the potentially distressing things he has chosen to protect you from...

I think we find God in simple, humble things. Such as the soft morning light of a new day... or the silence of the first fall of snow... or the gentle breeze that seems to answer a question within your heart. I find God in the roaring, wild, power of the ocean. I find God's intricacy in the vastness of the universe, in complexity of an eye, in the creative myriad of sea creatures.

When I get down or depressed or (like lately) simply lackluster-ish, I always try to thank God for all the beautiful things he has created. He makes the sun rise, he gives us breath, he teaches us lessons in his magnificent creation,  he makes us be still and quiet, he makes us passionate and courageous... he gives us mercy and hope and joy and salvation... I fall pray too often to the spirit of ingratitude, of distraction, and faithlessness. But all days won't be like that...
 

Life has up's and down's, sleepy days and busy days, stormy nights and refreshing mornings. But our joy is that no matter what, God remains faithful, constant, steady, and always there for us. And take heart that no matter where you are in life, no matter how confusing or challenging or busy or exhausting life is, God is there. God is listening. God has a definite plan for your life. And when it seems you are going nowhere, remember that God's thoughts, ways, and plans are bigger than ours. Have faith!

Times of doldrums always end. You can count on that.

<3